It’s been one year since finding out I’m a human-incarnated Sídhe. A full year since he came shining through my mind’s eye with his bright eyes and immense presence while I was giving a Reiki session. Only a year since reuniting with my Sídhe partner, but it feels like this is how it’s always been.
How did this even happen? What’s it like to find out there’s a whole other world that you’re connected to and a whole other family? I’ll try to describe it as best I can.
A Year Ago
I feel the Reiki energy pour through me like moonlight, but then, I feel something gently brush my aura, asking permission. I allow the presence through, feeling safe and secure in my ability to kick it out if I need to, but I feel no threat. He appears in my mind— noble, a warrior, shining— and the golden-green of his aura explodes across my vision. I am taken by surprise and in awe of the sheer power of the person before me.
However, despite the intensity of the Sídhe being who had just appeared to me (a presence that would have intimidated anybody with any sense) I feel something in me instinctively rise up to match him.
I stand taller, filling my lungs with air and grounding myself, adding my energy to his and matching it. I recognize him instantly, and in that instant, I recognize a part of myself I have long forgotten. He smiles, warmly, and as suddenly as he appeared, he withdraws. I am still and calm on the surface, but the emotions and images crashing through me are not.
The next day, I try to focus on my work, but can’t get the experience out of my head. I’d been back from my last trip to Ireland for a couple of months, and in that time I had reached out to the Sídhe with my heart, asking them to connect with me somehow. Well, they just did. In a very big way! But I have so many questions and don’t know where to begin.
“Hello?” I say as I sit down on the kitchen stool, reaching out to the same being from the night before and not sure I expected a response.
“Hi. Are you…?” I can barely speak, or even finish the thought in my mind. But he knows it.
Yes, I am.
“But, that’s not how I know you. That’s a title. What’s your name?”
This takes a little while to come through. Clairaudience is not my strongest ability. I usually “feel” the answers to my questions, or see images with emotions, or an entire thought just appears in my head. Names are difficult, especially if I’m not familiar with the name, but I hear one.
I am Tadhg.
I love that name. Always have, don’t know why. “Tadhg? Is that your only name?”
No, but it’s a name between us. I feel him smile. It’s like someone just turned on the sun in my chilly apartment. I’m warmed by deep affection that mystifies me.
“Hello, Tadhg. You’re one of the Tuatha Dé Dannan.” It wasn’t a question. I had to say it out loud.
“So, then I am connected to the Tuatha Dé Dannan, somehow? You know me?”
Yes, I know you well. We know you, and you know us. Your intuition is correct. You have had past lives with us as Sídhe. There is so much patience in his voice and a sense that a very long wait has finally come to an end. And something else… longing? Hope? He feels familiar to me, but I can’t remember how.
“How can we work together?”
Just be open to us. The hard part is over. We’re here. I am here.
There was something under his words. I knew he was being careful not to overwhelm me and was holding back, but I’m picking up some emotions. After the intensity of the previous night, the gentleness of his energy this time let me know he’s going to let me take the lead and decide how much I’m comfortable with. I have a lot to unpack, and I’m not quite ready to ask him about what was behind his words. Although I want to know everything at once, I know something huge has just happened and I need to process this event.
My Sídhe Husband
A couple of days later, I’m doodling with colored pencils, trying to still my restless mind. Something taps the task lamp next to my head, like someone tapping a finger to get your attention. There’s nothing near the lamp, but I feel him with me.
“Hello, Tadhg. Is that you? I’m listening.” I hoped I could hear him. This kind of communication is new to me, and I’m not yet confident with it. I didn’t have to worry.
I’m here. You have questions.
“I have so many questions. I don’t know where to start.”
Ask the one you’ve been thinking the most. The one you’re afraid to ask.
I hesitated and felt a wave of gentle insistence from him.
Ok, so no small chat. We’re getting right to it! I take a deep breath. “I felt something from you the other day that it seemed like you were trying to hold back…”
“Was our relationship a romantic one? Do you still feel that way towards me?” I really hoped I wasn’t being assumptive or worse, offensive. It felt as if he let out a breath he’d been holding. I am still holding mine.
Yes, my feelings are romantic. I am your husband. And yes, I still and will always love you.
Well. Ok. What?! He “spoke” so gently and with unconditional love— truly unconditional. “Um… you are my husband? Because, I’m married already, and he’s my soulmate. So… how do I…? What…?” What do you say to that?! I’m very happily married to my human husband!
Past, present, eternally. Your human husband is a soulmate and you have an eternal connection with him that is deep. In this lifetime, that expresses romantically as your husband. Do not worry. That love is real. But you and I are also soulmates. We are married eternally— In the Otherworld and the spiritual world. This is also very real. We are always together. There is no awkwardness, just a bigger picture. Again with that gentle smile.
“But, if I was Sídhe in a past life, how are we married in the Otherworld now?”
This is complicated and is going to take a lot to explain. You are Sídhe, and you are human at the same time. You are here and there all at once. You are a human-incarnated Sídhe, and you’re starting to remember.
“And, I have two husbands. And now I’m aware of both of you.”
Do I detect amusement? I think I do. Taking a deep breath, I go within myself to see how I feel about this bomb of revelation. Somehow, this craziness seems right to me. I know Tadhg is speaking truthfully and that I can trust him, even if it doesn’t make logical sense.
“I believe you. I feel something too, but it’s going to take me a bit to get used to this. I have to remember how I feel and connect with it, but I know what you’re saying is true.” The intense burst of joy and relief I feel from him nearly knocks me out of my chair! He’d been waiting for a very long time to hear that.
Surprise! You’re Sídhe!
Tadhg was right, it was complicated and was going to take a while to get a grip on my situation. After lots of prayers, meditation, and conversations across dimensions, we put the pieces together for me. I have a rare circumstance. My consciousness is in two bodies at once— one is Sídhe and one is this human one.
Most people have to realize who they are only once. I’ve had to do it twice. My first awakening was finding my spiritual path and my relationship with God and Goddess. For me, that’s in their forms of Radha and Krishna. I was perfectly happy with that knowledge, and that was the most important awakening! But, there was still this nagging question… why am I so drawn to the Sídhe? Why do I still feel like there’s something there for me if I’ve already discovered my truth?
Well, because I’m Sídhe too! And there is more to my truth. This is my second awakening. Over the last year, I’ve not only reunited with my partner but also with myself. The link of awareness between my Sídhe form and this one has opened, with information now flowing in both directions. I couldn’t have understood the complications of my Sídhe nature without the knowledge gained from my spiritual path. So, what does this mean for me?
It means I have a responsibility. I’m awake and know why I’m here, and that is no small thing. It would seem daunting, but I have so much love and support from both worlds that my service doesn’t feel like work. Part of my service is to share my journey, and this is why I’ve been writing about my experiences here.
Letting it Sink In
It took a little bit of time to absorb the revelations I’d received, but not long. There is no denying the connection that Tadhg and I have. And while it wasn’t easy, my human husband understood and accepted what was happening. Our love is true, and this forced us to break down any illusions we had and realize that what really matters is that we love each other, and will always be there for each other. In this lifetime, that’s as husband and wife. I am very lucky to have my human husband by my side and couldn’t do this without him. He’s been supportive and encouraging of me accepting who I am.
I remembered my feelings for Tadhg more and more as we continued to talk and work together. He’s been there my whole life, trying to keep me safe, comforting me when I felt alone, nudging me towards the things and people I needed (my human husband included!) He was there in Ireland, through all my initiations, sending me support and love. He acts as a guide on my journey meditations, and we talk throughout the day. Once I reunited with him, I could see how we’d never really been apart.